i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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