Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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