I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
