There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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