i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
