I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
