He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
3 2 1 whiskey
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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