there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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