Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
