Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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