I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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