Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
