he wants to bone in the snuggie
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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