Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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