all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
