Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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