I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
