I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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