the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
