Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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