glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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