he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
