She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
