Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
