Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
