you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I smell stomach acid.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
