i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
