nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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