just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
