he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
