"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
