Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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