He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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