So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if only i could text you this smell
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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