as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
