It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Im part way to drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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