The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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