If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
