I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
