The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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