I could have mohawked her pubes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
