And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
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Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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