There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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