just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
