my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel like abortions should bother me more
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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