Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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