I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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