I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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