Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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