We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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