what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
