nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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