My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
