phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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