Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
