So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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