Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
