we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize