Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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