my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
