She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
