But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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