his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
