My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
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whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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