How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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