WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
